Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
