Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
