I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
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Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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