oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
