That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
