seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
