I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
