If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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