At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
