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we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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