well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
