Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Be still, my beating vagina.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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