Grow some girl-balls and come out already
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
