I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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