Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
