Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
