He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
