party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
