Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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