Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
