she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
