when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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