You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
