oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
