I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
