he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
