I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
