Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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