He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
