I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
