the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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