I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
