Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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