C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize