I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize