I bet he comes in French.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
