Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
