You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
