so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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