The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
