he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
