I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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