you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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