i was rollin on her like bob the builder
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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