we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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