I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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