Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
