P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
