We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
