i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
