sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
