I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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