You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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