i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
