I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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