Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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