can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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