I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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