I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
