Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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