I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
